With that same sad smile you had, you held his hands gently, making him widen his eyes a bit.
"Because I care about you, Changmin. You just don’t know it and you aren’t aware of it but I do. I don’t know what to say to you right now because you’ll just be confused and I don’t want to add to your worried right now… but at the same time, something’s pushing me to tell you all my feelings…" you made him furrow his eyes. He looked very curious.
"Changmin…" you gulped nervously. "My name is _______. Several years ago, I was your best friend…" you started to tear up with just those words. "Several years ago, we lived together at the countryside. We knew each other since we were three. Classmates during kindergarten up to high school but then you wanted to pursue music in Seoul so you flew and went to Konkuk. You left me in the countryside but I wasn’t mad at you. I’m a huge part of your life but I know that if there’s one thing that you love…" you stopped talking, remembering what your professor told you last night. "One thing… that’s music. And so I didn’t stop you. I loved music too but not as much as you do… and so I wasn’t selfish enough to have you all to myself. I want you to succeed with your dream…" you gently started to rub his arm.
Inside Changmin’s room, you finally arranged your things on the side bunk neatly. You even bought some noodles and fruits to munch on while waiting Changmin to wake up. You sat on the chair beside his bed. You were holding his hand and rubbing it gently while looking at him. Your teacher was standing by the door, looking at the two of you.
An adult’s slightly panicking voice came inside the music room, making you slowly open your eyes to turn to its direction. You didn’t notice that the clock already said 7:49 pm. You fell asleep inside the music room while waiting for Changmin to come back but it seems that he didn’t, that’s why you were still inside the music room.
"Seonsaengnim, why are you here? Where’s Changmin?" you asked the familiar professor innnocently, rubbing your eyes in the process.
Changmin entered the room coolly with is guitar inside its case and his hands inside his pocket. he was very consistent with that emotionless expression on his face. You were getting quite used to it, seeing it a couple of times already. Rather than seeing a happy Changmin, you always saw this silent and unfeeling one at the university. You scooted a bit to your left as he sat down on the long chair beside you, putting his guitar down.
"How can you know? Can’t I play your song just because I want to?" you raised a challenging brow at him.
17th August, 3:13 am
It’s a bit off that I’m writing a bit late.
I woke up about fifteen minutes ago and I still remember that Changmin saved me earlier from a horrible situation. I honestly don’t know what to think abut right now and I’m stressed about all the events at school. Not events but sudden incidents that made Changmin and I meet.
Is it a work of fate? Is God giving us opportunities like these to meet and start anew?
It’s very hard to think right now. What happened earlier is a very serious matter and me still thinking like this… ah, I feel like a pabo right now. I should be scared of what happened earlier, not relieved that Changmin had the guts to punch our departmental secretary. But I don’t know. That’s all I can think about right now.
Please. Please let tomorrow be a nice day for me.
Normal. A normal day. All I need is a normal day.
16th August, 8:49 am
Hi diary. I’m sorry I didn’t have time to write last night. I was just really upset about what happened. I think I didn’t deserve any of it.
Today, I’ll try to talk to Changmin about what he said to my professor that made him change my grade. It’s just so unfair.
Anyways, I have to go now. My class is about to start. Wish me luck.
14th August, 7:51 pm
Tomorrow’s Wednesday. I have three piano classes and for the last one, our homework is transposition. Our professor told us to pick a song that we would like to transpose into a key that we are comfortable in. He said it’s better to choose a song by the opposite sex so the different is more noticeable.
And for this homework, I will perform Changmin’s Breath using the piano. I have practiced since Monday night until early afternoon and I think I deserve a little bit of rest right now since I don’t have a keyboard inside the apartment. I can only read the notes and memorize them so that I can practice again tomorrow morning before our performance.
I hope I do well and I hope my classmates would appreciate my version as much as Changmin’s.
9th August, 8:15 pm
At Konkuk, there’s a special program during the first Friday of classes called The Academic Starter. I think it’s already a tradition to formally end the success first week of classes. Since tomorrow is Friday, it will be my first time to experience it. I am so excited since I heard from one my of classes that Changmin will perform during the intermission of the program. I wonder what song he will perform…
One of his sweater vests is still with me though. I should wash it during the weekend so that I can return it to him already. I still remember vividly what happened last Tuesday. It was very nice of him to help me even though we have some issues too… maybe he still didn’t change at all even if he doesn’t remember me. He still stands up for the ones who get in trouble.
I still don’t know why he still doesn’t recognize me… is it hard to remember someone who’s very close to you…?
When you think about it… yes. It is hard to recall people from the past. My other friends at the countryside? I don’t remember all of their names and faces…
Maybe it’s because Changmin is my first love… that’s why I can’t forget about him…
And maybe… I’m just someone that he considers only a friend… that’s why it can be very easy for him to forget me…
It’s hard for me to accept it but I guess I have no choice.
6th August, 8 pm
My first day, you ask? It’s not that nice.
Yes, I met Changmin earlier… but it seems like he doesn’t remember me.
It’s sad… how he humiliated me in front of other students. And considering that I’m still new at school, all of them probably judged me already. “How could a new student possibly know the musical prodigy?” “How could she just throw her shoe at someone we respect?” “How could she hurt our Changmin-sunbaenim?” Maybe they thought about that or maybe it’s just me.
I’m quite depressed tonight. I already ate three cups of ramyun. But no, something like that won’t stop me. I’ll try harder to make him remember me.
Shim Changmin, you better get ready for the second day of classes. I swear I’ll make you remember me.
5th August, 7:30 pm
It’s my first day at Konkuk tomorrow… but I don’t know why I feel gloomy right now.
I keep on wondering how Changmin will react when we meet again. I hope he remembers me though. But how can’t he, right? I mean, we were friends since we were three year olds. We used to play at the playground a block away from our houses. See, we’re even neighbors. We used to talk to each other during the night by lifting white papers with messages on them. It was sweet.
However, he had to go to Seoul to pursue music. Of course I didn’t bear any hard feelings about that since it’s his dream to become a musician. We’ve been talking about it ever since we were little. He even used to sing to me during my birthday or even if there’s no special occasion.
If you’re asking me if I love music as much as he loves it… well, I do. I play piano ever since I was six. But I don’t compare to him. Changmin can’t live without music.
Shim Changmin is my first love. I’m still not over him until now that we’re already in our late teen years (We’re turning 20 next year for Pete’s sake). I just worked hard to earn money and save to go to Seoul, find a small apartment for myself and take an exam at Konkuk. And here I am, waiting for my first day to come.
Please guide me. I don’t know what to say when we meet. Hopefully by tomorrow, I can get an answer, dear diary.
Goodnight and see you tomorrow.
Hello, hello! So this is my second comeback fanfiction after Spellbound. Because Spellbound is more on the provocative side, I’ve decided to make a drama about Changmin and it is based on the song “Breath” by S.M. the Ballad (of course I would appreciate it more if you listen to the Japanese version because Changmin’s voice is featured in it so you would feel the emotions more while reading my story hihi). Please enjoy it and tell me your comments! Just one ask away! :3
Synopsis: You still cannot move on from your first love, Shim Changmin. He is currently a music student at a famous university in Seoul so you persevered to get in his school and be in the same as him. He is quite famous in campus being the musical prodigy that he is, making you work harder to make him notice you. On the day that your eyes met, you remembered everything about your childhood. Unfortunate for you, he didn’t even remember who you were.
Before you could move an inch back, Changmin quickly froze you by holding onto your wrists. He felt gentle but he did it with control. “Please don’t continue to push me away, ____… I don’t think my heart can take it whenever I see you ignoring me while I do my best to make you realize that I am sorry for my sins…” he painfully admitted.
“Umma, are you really going to go to Gwangju just for a job interview?” you worriedly looked at your mother as you read what the small sign printed in a bond paper in front of your door.
“Of course, my dear. If you’re going to transfer to another school, I should find myself a job so that I can pay for your school fees…” she cupped your cheeks caringly while giving you a sweet smile. She easily noticed how you looked uneasy with her plans. “It’s really fine, ____-ah. You told me that your full scholarship is already stressing and draining you because of the pressure you feel whenever you have exams… so I really have to work hard too, to give you the best education that you deserve, okay?” her smile looked genuine enough for you to be convinced.
“I guess I’m ready for another day…” you sighed brokenly as you closed your locker.
A new week arrived. It was the last day of classes. It’s been… just four days since you and Changmin last talked but it felt like months for you. You sighed as you stared at your project: it was a thick clear book full of the sophisticated pictures you took of different good-looking people who dressed like the prominent figures such as King Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette, Maximillian Robespierre, Anna Pompadour and others. They looked gorgeous, you thought.
“And I did these for just two days? Hah…” you weakly smiled. “I can be the most productive when there’s no Shim Changmin to bother me…” you giggled brokenly. When the morning bell rang, you decided to go to your classroom.
Just as Changmin opened his iced coffee freshly bought from the vending machine. He sipped some before turning to the direction from where the voice came from. “Oh, it’s you guys. What’s up?” he asked casually.